Yes, I know Chardonnay is “Not a Red Wine,” but read on – I have news…

I hope everyone reading this is safe. The coronavirus outbreak is certainly nothing to joke about, but if you give me a chance to focus on an important wine issue, perhaps it will help pass the time. First, a positive development of this pandemic has been to bring into focus those things that we sometimes take for granted – such as freedom. And, (my point) cherishing friends. Because I can’t see them as often as I would like, I’m actually talking to them more than I normally do. That’s a very good thing, but it does point out a deficiency in my personality or upbringing. Why am I paying more attention to them now? I can answer that when I start another blog on my various personality disorders, but this does eventually bring me to my topic for today, and every day – wine!

While I was talking online to one of my colleagues, who we shall call “B”, I offered to bring over groceries if she needed anything. Being a bit more housebound than I, she took me up on my offer. Imagine my surprise when the only item on her grocery shopping list was, and I quote, “two cases of Chardonnay wines.” I may pick the brands, she said. So, I completed the task as any friend would, but with particular zeal since it was the first actual request I’ve had for over three weeks since being ordered – personally by The Governor – to Shelter In Place. I was really tired of cleaning closets, and I admit that this whole quarantine thing is a struggle for me. So of course, a mission to help a friend in need was just what the doctor ordered (not The Governor).
Now, I know that I don’t care for Chardonnay, and even though I haven’t had it for over 20 years, I KNOW I don’t like it. As I read about it decades ago, “the malolactic fermentation technique gives Chardonnay a buttery aftertaste” (quotes indicate an imaginary authoritative source). Some people relish this flavor, but not me.

This brings us to the point of the story where I discuss how it is never too late to learn. B knew about my interest with pairing wine and junk food (I prefer to define junk food as “food people like”). Later, B presented me with a challenge that I simply couldn’t resist – even if it meant drinking Chardonnay.

Several days after I made the “grocery” run, she texted me in a very excited manner, if that’s even possible with a text. She said that she had discovered an amazing pairing: Josh Cellars Chardonnay and “those lemon sandwich cookies that can only be bought at Sprouts Farmers Market.”

I really had a hard time imagining it. Yes I know, white wines and citrus notes. I get it, but these are cookies! It’s probably not even real lemon flavor (no offense, Sprouts executives)! Well, I put a painting mask on, which is the closest thing I have to a KN95 mask, and set out to buy the cookies and the wine. We were having my son Brian and his fiancée Tara over for dinner that evening and I figured that was the perfect time to do the test. As every good social scientist knows, it’s always best to have a broad-based sample of the population when doing groundbreaking scientific research.

First, we did our civic duty and brought in dinner from our favorite Thai restaurant in Las Vegas, Pin Kaow. Afterwards, we set about performing the experiment. Brian and Tara drank and crunched cookies before I did, because I was grabbing a notepad to record reactions and observations. I guess I could’ve used a phone – I TOLD you I’m too old to learn! Anyway, they both exclaimed that the wine was really, really good, and the combination of the wine and the cookies reminded them of “something.” As any devoted red wine drinker would do, I rolled my eyes and picked up my glass. I swirled, took in the nose, took a sip, and it stopped me dead in my tracks. Where was that aftertaste I never liked? Not there. Where was that white wine simplicity that is beneath the learned palates of We, the Red Wine Snobs of the World? Not there, just a big, broad combination of subtle flavors on the palette. I would identify the flavors like they do on the backs of wine bottles, but I can only really make up stuff on the trombone. I sipped again, and when I took a bite of the cookie, it was breathtaking. The lemon disappeared, the Chardonnay disappeared, and there was this amazing taste that reminded me of wedding cake! The melding of flavors was truly remarkable, and I’ve never witnessed any (junk food) pairing where both the wine and the food joined with one another to make something completely different, and totally wonderful.

Later in the evening, when Brian and Tara had left, there was enough of the Josh Chardonnay to pour one more good glass. No cookies this time. I drank, I enjoyed, and a weird tingling sensation began to envelop me as a realization dawned. I felt as though I was Professor Frankenstein in the lab proclaiming to the world that I had just created life. I stretched out my arms, looked up to the heavens (well, the ceiling of my kitchen) and exclaimed:

“I — CAN — DRINK — THIS!!!”

Thank you, Josh Cellars. Thank you, Dear Readers, participants of this experiment, my good friend B, and of course – Sprouts Farmers Market.  I can say something could only have happened because of everything that recently unfolded: I like Chardonnay.

Of course, I knew it all along.