I am a wine lover.  I also like junk food.  If you are like me, this blog is for you.  I was raised in a normal, loving home, with plenty of cans of Dinty Moore beef stew and boxed dinners.  I never minded – I loved that stuff!

As I mentioned, I’m a wine lover but don’t always “get” what I read in the wine reviews. I think I know what “forward” means, but I’ve never tasted a wine that made me think “forward.”  I guess that means brash and undisciplined, but then I would be describing my children, not my drink.  Also, I’ve never contemplated my mid-palate, nor have I depended on that organ for a decision about anything.

I’m a person of moderate means, moderate tastes, moderate sense of smell, and moderate intelligence (I hope).  I read most wine reviews and come away feeling completely inferior. After drinking the same wine as the reviewer,  I realize that I had missed the notes of cream de cassis, tobacco, and leather, along with the essences of the terroir, the blackberry, the licorice, the currant, and the dirt.  At the end of it all, I was so insecure that I could only definitively say that it was red.

However, I am still a big wine fan. I actually can tell the difference between a decent Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon, Zinfandel, and Pinot Noir.  I look forward to the surprise in every new bottle, every new vintage, every variety, and every label.  But let’s get back to the “moderate means” part of the story. How many of you have ever gotten hungry and/or thirsty late at night, thinking about a glass of wine and a snack, and looked in your pantry, only to find Fritos and Oreos to go with your Merlot. Which snack will it be?  Your average sommelier will be useless for advice on this thorny issue, and besides, it’s late. You are truly on your own… .

The purpose of this blog is to help you make the right gastronomical choice of which wine and which junk food to enjoy together.  The wines I mention will range from cheap to moderate, which means roughly from $6-$25 per bottle.  The junk food will be the kind of thing that lasts in the pantry for a long time.  That way, those Chips Ahoy cookies might easily be the one tasty food that’s been left in your pantry after all of the really lofty, expensive delights have already been eaten.

I’m not going to waste your time by trying to describe it every grape varietal to you.  You can Google that. Who knows why you might’ve purchased the wines that are sitting in your house right now. Perhaps they were on sale. Maybe you bought them for your brother-in-law’s last visit.  Or, you might have some definitive tastes that lead you in a particular direction. Whatever the case, the decision still remains: what junkfood pairs best with which wine that might be in your house at any particular moment?  Helping you make the right choice is my mission.  And, we use the most reliable, time-tested scientific method: direct observation.  I have a doctorate — trust me!  Yes, my courteous and professional staff and I will study every pairing we describe.  Our solemn pledge to you is that you won’t be asked to taste anything we have not tried ourselves.

Even in a blog such as this, there are certain areas that we won’t address. Citrus fruits and most red wines cause what I like to call Acidic Armageddon. Likewise, the very sweetest and the most salty snack foods usually don’t pair with anything except a good beer and/or a soft drink.  So, you might find a few options missing.  When in doubt, ask yourself this question: could you SLEEP after consuming that combination of food and drink??

Okay, here’s a quick one to get started.  You have Woodbridge Merlot, one of the least expensive truly drinkable red wines, and a choice of Oreo cookies or Mission white corn tortilla strips.  Which snack do you choose?  Try it!

The answer is easy. Chocolate is the one universal junk food and wine pairing. The chocolate in the Oreo cookie actually improves the taste experience, and overwhelms the sugary white filling in the center. Conversely, the salt in the tortilla chips can’t help but to get in the way of the pairing, leaving the wine strangely outcast, like an accordion player at a Metallica concert. Try it for yourself– you can consume either combination, but the chocolate combination is clearly a better midnight pairing.

Now, you can see where we are headed with this blog. It’s a huge world of junk food out there, and a vast selection of wines. Where do we start?  Well, let’s just dive in and see where this exploration takes us!  I hope the Cloud has enough storage space for our research!